Anniversary No. 35

circa 1975

On Sept. 6, 1975, I stood at the altar of a Catholic Church in San Jose, California, trying to focus on the words and gestures of the priest while tension and nervousness built inside me. Would I stumble over the wedding vows I'd written? Would I drop the wedding ring? Would I make to the end of the ceremony?

I labored through the vows, pausing several times to fight back tears and steady my trembling voice. No, I didn't drop the ring. And, yes, I made it to the end.

Ten years later, we stood in front of friends as we renewed our vows at Silver Falls State Park, near Salem, Oregon, where we were living at the time. Again, I fought through tears to speak the words.

Another quarter-century has passed, and today -- on Sept. 6, 2010 -- Lori and I celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary. It's an amazing milestone, one that fills my being with pride and deep appreciation. Yes, I am so proud to be married to my lovely Lori, my partner in life and the mother of our three children. And, yes, I am so appreciative of having the immense good fortune to marry her when we were both 22, just 18 months after we went on our first date as college seniors.

How is it, in this day and age, that a marriage can last so long? It would take a book to answer that question, and of course there is no universal answer or magic formula. From my perspective, a long-lasting marriage is one that takes root in the deep, rich soil of love and mutual respect and evolves over time. It makes room for individual interests and preferences; it bends and adapts to change while remaining bound together by shared values; it is guided by a common vision of what both partners want from life and it is reinforced by a commitment to work toward those things together.

Where family is concerned, it begins by wanting to be parents. We've supported each other physically and emotionally through all the stages, from infancy to adolescence to adulthood, sharing all the ups and downs and surprises that come along with parenthood. And, now, as empty-nesters, we find ourselves striving to make space for each other and for ourselves as a couple, even as the calendar seems to speed up.

As I read these words, I can't help but think they may seem obvious or simplistic, perhaps even trite, to anyone other than Lori and me. At this point, we have a treasure chest of memories built on shared experiences and a shared faith in the future. We don't always know what's coming but we do know we'll face it and embrace it together. And after 35 years, one thing is crystal clear: I am one damned lucky guy.